Oh, how we hate to move from our positions. No matter the intricately noxious weaving and inter-locking difficulties involved to keep our doomed boat afloat, we will go to great lengths to preserve an illusion; most especially, a cherished one. One that reeks of putrid sourness for miles on land, light years on sea, we will do just about anything in our mortal power we possibly can, to remain nestled in bed with our lofty pre-fabricated ideas we want to hold onto. Why? Because IF we changed our thoughts we would have to move from our position and far be it from me to shout, “That ain’t gonna happen in this particular dispensation of time and space.”
Needless to say, it’s impossible to teach those who need to be taught. We refuse to be shown that which would cause us to be wrong! Oh. Heaven forbid the malice that falls upon the messenger who would bring us the unwanted, uninvited tidings of intrusive release! Furthermore, we hardly ever forgive the person who tries to disturb our lofty mansions of fragile emotional splendor, in any way. We want to remain in our idolized pink castles of inner turmoil much to our own detriment. You know the old adage:”I can talk about how bad it is but you better not mention a word of it to me or anyone else.”
Yet, today something happened. The world turned on its axis and wobbled just a wee bit, in your head. You realized, for the first time, that there are at least 100 Billion Stars in our galaxy, alone, while the Milky Way is just one of 100 Billion galaxies in the observable universe. Notice, the key word ‘observable’; not to mention what lies beyond the undetectable.
From this bizarre but selected prospective, everything seemed to shift in relevance, importance and certainly, in personal significance. How could it have been that the ideas you held in such high regard with such pearlized esteem, became so small in comparison to the actuality of our short, short span here on a such a remote planet in such a vast incalculable universe with absolutely no control or say so in the matter of how or where you will end up after your run?
Then, it happened. For the first time, in many, many years, you laughed. You kicked back and let it rip: a real honest to goodness belly-buster! And, not only that, but you continued to laugh so uproariously that the people who surrounded you were caught so off guard. You realized at that precise moment, with an inexplicable ridiculous assurance, you didn’t give a damn how crazy they thought you were or were not.
You could see. You saw through it all: the hoopla, the pretense, the parody of pretense and, last but not least, the manufactured lines of a rehearsed script where you convinced yourself and others about how much you really care.
You watch yourself, as if in a boring rerun movie, in full animated motion, in/of/through all of the times when you would turn somersaults if someone, (anyone) questioned your authority and threatened your ‘mantle’ of being a “good and decent” person. Yes, you laughed. So uncontrollably hard and infectiously inappropriate, you simply couldn’t stop until you finally came to a screeching halt of perfect peace that passed all understanding.
As you carefully, cautiously and concretely gain your composure, you KNOW ‘now’ this is one of those unfortunate times, you have so dreaded, when you will have to move. You can’t change the rung bell nor erase the shot canon. Of course, you are afraid. You’ve never been here before. You never allowed yourself to peer inside the contents of your masqueraded well of delivered discovery.
Fear establishes itself as your best friend; in fact, your most respected ally. Maybe, if you take it slow and easy, you might just learn to love your new running partner. Just because the future is uncertain does not mean it’s going to be bad or complicated. Your familiar inability to flow without some sort of guarantee would have made it harder than it has to be.
But, not anymore! Why not just go to bed, arise and say: “OK, I’m ready for whatever comes. No holds barred!” Today and every day hereafter, I will laugh aloud for no reason whatsoever simply to remind me that my level of loveliness (fixation on loneliness) is directly linked to my intensity of irrational fear.
Realizing this unconscious self-defeating impetus, I shall dare to be more audaciously responsive in every avenue of my newly discovered liberated sensual creativity without counting the ‘what’s in it for me’ cost beforehand.
